My Encounter with Fate!
Monday’s Meandering Muse: I am sitting looking blankly at the screen; I am unsure what to write -well I know what I want to write; I just don’t have a clue how to write it (it seems my inspiration muse has deserted me -not the best moments for my muse to do that; let me see what I can come up with without her). Maybe I should start with a prompt…
(As always there is a pdf document at the bottom of the post for those who may find this a difficult read.)
“Fate – everything happens for a reason. And when fate happens look for the good in it as it is there.”
This is very true; I try to remind myself of this all the time. Sometimes when something happens beyond our control and it is not the desired outcome we become disgruntled and moan about how life is unkind to us. We rarely think of what it is fate has presented to us; we do not look with unclouded eyes; we do not allow the haze to clear so we see the other possibilities -we do not see clearly until the very last minute and then when we do, the relief sets in; wouldn’t it be great if we did not worry about what has happened; but embrace what opportunities are ahead of us? Why think the cup is half empty when it could be just half full.
You may ask why I am talking about fate… Well, asides from the fact that I am fascinated by the concept of fate I have had to look at it a bit more deeply than normal recently, why? Well I have recently just been made redundant due to the recent Government spending cuts; I know the news sounds terrible when you hear it like that but; there is a silver lining behind it; this development has enabled me to think more clearly with what I have been living through the last few years and I believe I have had an epiphany with this current upheaval in my life. All the missing pieces of the puzzle finally(ish) fit into place and makes sense -please note, it is not my intention to say anything untoward to my past employers; I enjoyed working there heaps (see fact no 6 on post Awards? -Aww *Blushes* -You Shouldn’t Have!); it has given me insight to a lot of things and helped me understand myself and my needs.
In brief; I started work, part-time, as a Support Worker about five years ago (bizarrely; July 24th 2011 will be five years to the day -talk about coincidences!); I loved it -the variety; being able to find solutions for those who really needed it; being proactive and above all having a wonderful team to work with! So when I was offered a full-time post think of the joy I felt -I was ecstatic! I never saw it coming; my attention to detail; my ethos in life: give %100; ensure the work done is perfect; my empathetic nature -they all were a concoction of potions waiting to become a disaster; individually they are great but collectively it was to undo the essence of me -I would only realise this three years too late. At this point, a normal person would just despair and worry to what will happen next; maybe we just need to have a fresh outlook on life…
“Do not worry about the future for it is not yet come. Live each day in the present and make it beautiful.”
Stressing about what could be, how things may work out; rarely does any good -other than cause your health serious harm! So if you do not want to be well, then maybe you should just continue the way you know best; keep worrying… -I am not saying that to be mean; it’s just a true fact -we are all guilty of it (including me). I am a huge worry wart; if I can worry about anything -I do so without thinking; it automatically sets in (well I am trying to kick that habit; but having empathy does not help -especially in the line of work I have been in; my mind rarely switched off I was constantly thinking of what might happen if I was not about). It’s tough -I know! By worrying we forget about the most precious gift we have: today -with today we can do anything and things happen; things fall into place or a wheel of motion is set into action; so why do we fail to utilise this day? Let’s not forget and try and enjoy the precious moments we have today and make it beautiful.
Ok, I am not saying the past three years have been great; health-wise I have undergone a lot of turmoil -be it physically or emotionally; though I have come to realise there is no point dwelling on it more than necessary as what has happened in the past we cannot alter and what is ahead of us we do not know; we only have today, so the best we can do with it is to cherish it and enjoy the moment. So when the redundancy was set in motion what did I do? Naturally I decided to reflect (I can’t take my own advice!); but I reflected so I could understand what happened to my lost three years; I did not reflect to feel sorry for myself. This is where I had my epiphany… The moment I took up the full-time post was the moment of my downfall -it’s a common problem: the demand was too great and there were limited resources; I burnt out. It first manifested as BPPV -well that is what I thought back then; I had not noticed the signs of stress -or maybe I refused to acknowledge I was stressed -it was an impossible notion; I loved my job I could not be stressed! I had two long bouts of sickness caused by BPPV; I vowed, at the time; if I fell ill a third time I would consider looking for alternative work -for my health and also for the sake of my Service Users as they suffered (in my eyes at the time) whilst I was away not monitoring their needs.
Fate does work in mysterious ways; I had a panic attack back in December 2010 and since then I have been off due to stress and anxiety. The third time arrived in December; I faltered to action my promise to myself (I recall feeling guilty for considering that and letting down my Service Users, my colleagues and my team); I battled with my reasoning’s… Fate has a funny way of stepping in and telling you that now is the time to get out! The redundancy consultations, meetings; they came; they helped me to finally accept where I have been and how I have been torturing myself. I have been on a journey and fate gave me a nudging push and I am thankful for it.
“Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds.” -Franklin D. Roosevelt
“How a person masters his fate is more important than what his fate is.” -Wilhelm von Humboldt
When you let yourself be ruled by your negative thoughts; the world seems unattainable; you allow for isolation; you are at danger to fall under the spell of depression; I know -I was there! I was fortunate enough with the intervention of fate, my faith, my supportive family & friends and my re-kindled passion for writing; I am able to see a much brighter world; for a very long time coming, this is the first time I have been excited about my life and to be able to acknowledge that with what I have, I am eternally grateful.
“I believe everything happens for a reason. People change so that you learn to let go. Things go wrong so you learn to appreciate them when they are right. You believe less so eventually you trust no one but yourself. And sometimes, good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” -Marlyn Monroe
I am a firm believer that change is good; with its negatives and/or positives. Sometimes it is better to let go and move on; that door that is closing now is forcing you to take a hold of your life; shake it wee a bit -re-evaluate everything and then take steps to a goal you have always had your heart set on but lost sight of as the years flowed past you. There will always be doors; you just have to keep an eye out for them; my doors (I believe) have come in the form of my awoken written word (my WIP, my stories, this blog), a possible much needed holiday break and who knows… maybe even a new business venture, be it with my endeavours in writing or something else; I now have a choice and I have decided I will plan to set target for my passion -I will keep you posted as my journey continues.
I hear you say it is hard work -yes I totally agree, it definitely is -isn’t everything else? The main thing to focus on is staying focused and positive. We all have a vision of where we want to be in life; it’s only our learnt negative thoughts that prevent us from going “forth and prosper”! To get to where we see ourselves is tough; sometimes we just have to slog on and stay determined; sometimes fate intervenes and gives a helping hand -when those moments come, don’t lose sight; grasp it with both hands -it’s not every day such a blessing comes in a guise that surprises us.
Fate has surprised me; when the time was right fate jumped in and gave me a good old shake; I came to my senses. Negative thoughts and low self-esteem is absolutely horrendous and I do not wish it on any one; I have been revived and brought back into the world and that is through writing (I know I’ve said it a million times already; but it’s true); I don’t know if you love or hate what I write (I really hope you like what you have read and will be reading); I know I enjoy writing and now my muse has been unleashed (yes she came back -look I have written over 1735 words already!), I am unsure if I will ever stop. What’s the moral of this little(ish) post? Come to think of it, I am not sure now -only teasing you! 😛 What I essentially wanted to say was; in times of sorrow or when things look bleak; do not despair; life is filled with a multitude of colours; maybe you are due a new colouring -green was getting a wee bit drab; maybe orange will spice up your life and provide you additional skills you need to learn. Try and see the good in life, be positive, live each day as if it is your last and be content that you have done the best with what you have been given and above all be happy -fate is watching and one day -yes one day; she will visit and surprise you as she has indeed amazed me! Before I set off and grab some energy food; I wanted to leave you with a few promising doors that will hopefully cross your path. Keep smiling! 🙂
A Teeny Tiny Note: Fate is marvellous; I just spoke to one of my service users; as a means to say goodbye; apparently if I ever needed a reference, I only need to ask! So it shows; I must have been doing something right all along! Sometimes we are blind to what we do; taking a step back and looking with a clear mind always help to become focused; so my advice to you, do not give up and stay focused.
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Thoughts and comments are encouraged as always.
Pdf document: My Encounter with Fate